Lynn Lee aka Lemon

Saturday 12 April 2008

What an eventful day. Early in the morning I woke up at 7.15am and get ready to meet my colleagues to go swimming at toa payoh complex. After eating breakfast we headed towards the swimming pool we reach there around 10 sth and during the one hour that we are swimming, the sky started to turn greyish (my fav though but not a good timing) ,the wind starts to blow, lightning and thunder started to make their performance. We are then force to stop swimming. Not willing to give up, we waited for the rain to stop. It took one hour to stop. Then, we continue to swim... wat a strong wind and wat a long wait.... i suppose we are crazy as all people around us had decided to bathe and went back.....

After that, we decided to watch movie at the Cathay "一个好爸爸" (not that i would wanna see this movie, just for the sake of accompanying her...) Well, it turns out to be worse than I thought. I thought of it as a touching movie, and i get ready to weep if there is a need but nope. Absolutely NO FEEL. The movie is lame. Almost everything is lame. As if this wasnt bad enough, the guy sitting next to me just wouldnt stop shaking his leg. He just wouldnt stop! Feeling exasperated, this start to get even worse. I smell the smell that combine sweat on shirt + sweat on body + sweat and do nothing to stop the sweat + watever else. As if shaking his leg is not enough, he began to keep changing his sitting position, non-stop open and close his leg etc. Making me shaking on my own seat too! What the HECK?! You scared nobody can smell you is it?!!! Or you simply dont have the manners??!!! What the Hell?!

I realise , no wonder i keep leaning towards my colleague on the other side of me. its my worse experience for movie.

THOSE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND PLEASE DONT CONTINUE

When i got home, i recounter these encounters. She empathize me. Later we continue our conversation, what she said make me feel even worse than all the encounters i faced today.

We talked about the issue about 'my supposed bedroom' as I acknowledge from her that the owner of the machines in our house had went overseas. I asked whether the owner want his machines back? The first thing she say is 'dont start it with me again" Well, great start. Then, she continue to say that the owner wants her to help sell it away. I suggest to carry it out and sell to it karang guni/anyone who wants it or even just leave it outside and let whoever person take as they wish. She replied that people who wan it offer very low price for a machine that cost thousand over dollars and karang guni dont want it. For a thing that worth that much she is not willing to just leave it for other ppl to take it. Well, i have heard it for many years now.

Next, she say she heard suggestion from my aunt to rent out my 'my supposed bedroom' and earn the extra cash. Then, i began to ask how about the big machine in 'my supposed bedroom'? She say thinking of squeezing it in the storeroom. But i dont think it is big enough to contain such a machine. She replied saying she think she is able to squeeze it in our (small & pathetic) storeroom to make room for 'my supposed bedroom' to rent out. Whhhat Do you MEAN? You mean u are finally willing to remove the sickening 'thing' that forbid me from using my room for so many years as you found a MORE practical way to use it now? So all my pleadings for sooo many years are left unheard??!! What the F**K?!!! It is simply What the F**K man! You thought of me as a pushover?! YA i know i am more of a willing party compared to the other one isnt it? So i always have to make sacrifices right?! I had to do WHATEVER you want me to do isnt it? I respect you thats why i obey you, i dont have a choice there then is it?! YOU MAKE DECISION AND I HAD TO ACCEPT IT. Isnt it?

People closest to me regard this matter as none of their business. My pleadings are all nothings to their ears. They see it happen every year as time goes by. Keep saying words like you can fight for it, you should do it, you want it you got to do it yourself, but when i am making countless futile attempts you do nothing. Yeah all right, it doesnt concern you ANYWAY. you enjoy the better of things isnt it? ya you are inconfident yes. but at the end of the day now, who get the eventual reward? i wonder, sometime you may even smirk deep inside of you at my failure. i know i like to oompare too damn much and wonder why i cant get the same too. yes i know i can get a cert too if i wan but i got to do it myself cos the situation is different now compared to the past. i know. but who cares? i got to do shit now. i am damn cynical. tats who i am. i cant change it. i tried to always look at the best of people but why do they keep showing me that i cant trust them? People are all selfish?

The only person i can trust at the end of the day is still only me isnt it? I keep thinking the world as a better place, there will be kind souls in the world waiting to be found. There are kind people isnt it? But why it seem so fake now? Everybody seems kind in nature but we are all protecting our own interest only.

In this world no one really care.

p.s: i dun think u will understand. you dun understand all the messages that i put in my previous blog, i dun tink you will understand. maybe you wont understand forever thats who you are. if you know you are all right to take my worse confession to your heart if u want bear grudge with me if you can jolly well do so. Deep down inside of me thats what i truly tink. i can only be honest. i want to be. i dun wan to ever lie to myself. i always want to keep things simple. why do human forbid me from doing so?