My lfie lefi efil
In life the most horrible part is not the hardship you have to go through in life, the most difficult part is when you don’t know what is the next step you should do to your own life to make it complete. You are so concerned tat your life will not be something that you want to see in the future. You are so afraid you will lose out to everybody around you and you start to strive forward as everybody else will do. You afraid that if you don’t do what people told you to do and whatever they are doing, you will be in the wrong direction of life. Everyone wants their life to be perfect. Or at least appear to be what they intended it to be. Not 100% but 80% at least. At least it appear like what they chosen.
What if you can’t decide what is best for yourself? What really makes you happy? What wouldn’t make you regret after years and years of studies or work? I hate to see myself regret if I make a wrong move. Cos I am afraid I cant take it well anymore. I can laugh about life and joke about it. But seems to be, there are a lot of different kind of obstacles appearing before me mentally (self-inflicted and external reasons- things that I cant choose and I cant change), obstacles tat make me fear. If I fail or regret again, I cant afford to amend my mistake anymore, I dun have strength and finance to allow me to make mistake, I can only depend on myself and I know it.
I try to be true to myself and I wonder whether am I doing the right thing. Being truthful and being sensible is different matter altogether. Decision is hard to make. Time is flying. How much time can I waste? Life is hard to say. What if I die tomorrow and I realize tat I haven yet done anything to my life and I regret what should I do in the past? Or would I feel it’s ok, since I am dying this is the best way to end it as I dun need to decide anything anymore. I dunno myself and I dunno what the hell am I doing.
