Am I considered as naive, idiotic or stupid? Or all of the above? Tink it should be all of the above. I assume things are finally going to happen in the way tat I wanted but realize too late tat it’s not. I tot I know everything but I am not. Dunno why in the world, I always make silly until dunno how silly mistake but I can still able to make my own decisions after so many incidents. Haha. Great autonomy in my world. Things will only start to flow the other way round. And my age will start to get older and older and my face will get older and older. Dunno whether anybody understand or not. Maybe e main thing is I dun even understand myself, I dun even understand whether can I make all the right decision by myself. I dun even trust myself. Am I going to finish the mistake I have made for the sake of my money?
I realise nobody can provide for me except for myself. School fees only I can earn for myself. If I got myself in debt for the 2 thousand over (tink after calculation is 2300 sth), am I juz plain stupid? I dun even know wat I wan. nobody know wat I wan, since i myself dunno. Dunno wat I wan is my biggest problem. Once I do a test, the test results is tat my biggest fear in my life is the fear to make decision. But now the truth proves it, my decision aint anything good after all.
I know I cant wait for somebody to decide my life for me. But at least I need somebody to sound sth out with me. I am a very confused person. Blur if u say so. Nobody bothers and I dun even bother abt myself I just let the time flies by. When somebody bother to tink now, it’s all why u are like tat? U know wat? I dunno why also. I hope I can find tat answer also. No discussion made, cos it will ended up like nothing is said just like previously. Know wat? it’s time for me to make another decision. Willing to be in debt or go with the flow for e sake of money in a class tat I dun even bother to know.
It’s like a vicious cycle tat go on and on and never stops. I just hope everything will just stop. No more argument no more anything. I hate things tat will make me vexed. I just hate it. I hate trouble. I just like things to go the smooth way just as anybody else. Why cant I just have tat?
Sunday, May 28, 2006
