I read my previous entries and realised that I am really an annoying, irritating and indecisive pig. I wonder what people think after they read my useless and meaningless complains. I bet words like "it is your own fault that you never think clearly", "Can you stop complaining and start thinking about what you should do instead?!", "I cant be bother about reading your miserable life" and things like "What you want now?!" appeared in their minds over and over again, maybe some don’t even want to finish reading such meaningless entry. I apologise, well, this is a place for me to sound out the thoughts that are all jammed up in my tiny little brain. I shouldnt care so much as to who and what people will think. Maybe I shouldn’t write things that focus so much on this. Haha. I should leave some privacy for myself…
My sister brought back a online the analyse of different people character and lives based on their date and time of birth. Mine was something like I am a wanderer in my life. In my life there are a lot of journeys I will travel whether I take it the positive or negative way. I don’t settle in one place and I got to travel around a lot, think it is quite true. Hehe. Maybe all of these are journeys that I have to go through in order to experience life better.
I shouldnt bother my sister so much since there are enough things for her to worry about. Maybe it is because of the way I was brought up, maybe it is because of a flaw in my character that make me careless in many ways. Haha.
Since I got to spend this amount of money anyway, it is might as well I attend the lesson and gain some knowledge of it. Well, it a good point indeed I agree but I just suck at the assignment and homework that I need to do. Especially I am in the first batch of students that got to do group work in the part time course. If I don’t contribute group members will deem me as irresponsible, if I contribute, I will need to give up my time and make use of some effort to help my group or else our group may appear as inefficient. This is what I hated to see. If it is just attending lectures doing assessment it is still quite bearable. I wont want to inflict others with my attitude. Maybe I have not prepare myself ready for a part time studies and I didn’t expect some things to be quite tedious as such this. I think I have waited for too long to go back to studies that is why I cannot get use to all these things. Focusing on one matter only make things slightly better. After a torturous week of thinking, I realised a full time studies is better compared to this but it seems like even if I wanted a full time course, it is difficult for me to find financial security and nobody can provide for me except for myself. This is why I cannot stop working. If I got enroll in poly next year, all the daily spending and school fee I still got to depend on myself. I think I got to find my agency to help me find part time job or what.
Hmmm… it is quite lucky(glad for that also) that my sister still able to finish her diploma studies in the past time, there were still someone to help her with the school fees and during that time my mum was still working and was able to help her. I got to depend on myself. A lot of test results or those readings I got at temples stated that I got to depend on myself. Whether or not I get something it all got to depend on myself, I cannot wait for somebody to depend or assist because it seems like there is nobody else who can help.
So jia you FIGHTING! I got to depend on myself. Whether I become a loner wanderer or a happy wanderer all depend on myself!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
