I am thinking a lot. Really a lot. So much that it hurt my head. No one ever knows or bothers to know. It is a lesson that I have to learn everyday that human is selfish. Regardless of how much time have past on, fact will not change.
Sometime I needed a little more concern, sometime I needed more space but I am always granted something else. I am sad to see everything happening in all different ways that I expect them to be. Maybe I am being difficult. Expecting people to know what I want. But it always seems that they are more concern with themselves than with me. Maybe I am not worth that attention. Maybe nobody worth any attention on me. Maybe the only worth that I exist for is for people to criticise and vent anger and revenge on me. I give people the pride and satisfaction that I am worse off or nothing betters than they are. I do not why. I do not fight it. Because I know fighting it make things worse, fighting it make me feel worse. I experienced it before and I know, even if I can win the fight or argument, I cannot win. So what for going through all the fight when in the end it is all only fire and ashes? Why go through the emotional process when nobody regards your pride as pride?
I am being pessimistic. I am always pessimistic. I cannot seems to walk away with it.
Friday, November 24, 2006
